Progress

If you follow me in social media, today my post read this:

“If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, crawl…progress looks different everyday. This week, I can’t even crawl, in fact, I think I’ll just lay here, cuz the tears won’t stop. That’s my progress this week. My 3 mile run turned into a pathetic 1/2 mile jog, and a miserable walk the rest of the way. But at least I went, I guess.”

We’ve all read the quotes…

“A little progress each day adds up to big results”

Unknown

“Without struggle, there is no progress”

Unknown

“Comfort, the enemy of progress”

P.T Barnum

Want to know my progress reality? Check it out.

Mentally, physically exhausted, curled up in bed for three days crying. Manage to get up and go for a “run” on day four, then actually eating a full meal and back to normal running by day 7. Phew, that was a week. Good, great, got through that week. What’s next? I picked up a pen every chance I got, so good, keeping up with the magic things. Slowly figuring out this whole adult thing, paid rent on time, I think I can manage to take care of myself. Wow, I am rocking this! I’m like, the best person ever, how did I not know this? I ate healthy, I ran fast miles. Oh cool, look, it’s already the end of the month. Awesome, feeling great. And oh, oops, *trips on an invisible rock* right back to three days curled up crying.

Yeah, progress.

So here it is. Some days are good and some days are bad. Everybody feels a range of emotion, it’s normal. Being previously exposed to trauma can make the bad days worse (no matter who you are, or what the trauma). The thing is, today I realized, the good days far outweigh the bad days. I also know, that exercise does help. Even if it’s a pouty walk in your running clothes with your face scowling and your arms crossed. Trust me with this one.

So if you find yourself in an upside down stall, somewhere unknown in the map of progress, like I previously found myself in, just remember to breathe. Close your eyes, cry, scream if you have to, but just breathe.

Progress looks different everyday. Curled up crying is still progress. Means we’re working through our own little shit piles we create. It’s OK. Take the day, have a good cry, watch a sappy movie that makes your feel even more sorry for yourself, cry more if you want to. But then get up. Accept it, challenge it, and continue with the progress.

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