Have you ever just sat quietly in the morning while the sun melts the dew from the trees? Large droplets of water fall, hitting branches and leaves on the way down, creating a melody as they slide, disappearing into the ground. With the traffic sounds from the highway, and the ocean in the distance, I have a contentment song singing in my head.
I successfully managed to get drunk last night. Didn’t think it was that bad, but by5 am, I’m hunched over my toilet, puking. A bunch of whisky and a Guinness. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Completely buzzed, or drunk I guess, I took myself to the ocean. With Brandi Carlyle serenading me through my headphones, I watched the stars and embraced the darkness, letting it swallow me whole.
Fear doesn’t exist here, this far down the beach, and with the extra shot of whisky courage, I did what my soul has been longing to do. Sing. Only the ocean can hear me, adding it’s own melody with the constant waves, and absorbing my voice like a potion, so no other soul can hear me. I took to the stage, raised my voice and let my body move to each beat and word.
I want to stay like this forever. With the absence of fear. Being exactly who I am. Lost, in melody and nature.
I have had a heck of a year so far, struggling to pick myself back up from the past traumas.
Each day new fears arise as I try and address each one as they come. Finding the right words, testing my loyalty, my integrity, and beliefs. It’s the first time in my life I’ve been truly alone. I have friends and family around the globe, but no one right beside me to hold me close at night. No one to choose my path, or a solid trusted shoulder to lean on.
It’s really just me and my mind (and my mind is sometimes crazy… so it’s an interesting relationship!).
I often wonder what others think about me, the feedback is rare. I wonder what my life looks like to the outside world. The people around me are great, but I just can’t find the interest to speak, to party or hang out. All I do, is spend my time alone. Writing, reading, drawing. A lonely artist maybe, or a loner with social disabilities. A wounded soul with a troubled mind.
But beyond the guilt, I am simply trying to fall in love with myself again. Dating myself, really.
With that, I’d like to personally welcome you to Raw words, mixed media, and “Buckets of Coffee”. Where the theme, is my life. This, is simply me.
An old soul, that’s endured a lot in life, stumbling through the world, one word at a time.
Here, will be gentle musings, documented passions, and raw material, however the words may flow. Or, maybe there is no theme, it’s just simple solo chatter.
Let’s embark upon a journey friends, let’s see what life has to offer. Maybe I’ll post daily, or weekly, or even monthly. Maybe it’ll be words in form of a riddle, a poem, or a song. Maybe it’ll be drawings, or photos. I can only promise one thing.
There will always be coffee on.