How are you?
Are you enjoying the fall weather? I hope so.
Are you living your dream? I hope so.
I mean, I am. Ever since I could walk, I’d grab the broom and sweep the floor. “Ma?” I’d say, “I going to be a janito!”
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good job. Scrubbing strangers poop particle stains off the porcelain, sweeping up some scattered crumbs off the floor from what looks like a sugar donut, dancing down the aisles cuz I’m bored, and probably singing too loud, while dumping garbage’s and shining desks. Sounds glamorous doesn’t it?
Ok, so probably not the dream. But, my bank account is happy. Ish.
I’m in the rebuilding stage in my life, and for the most part, these self discovery moments are enlightening. I figured out the top of my head has got to be lopsided… every time I put my hair up, it tends to slide down to one side. Every. Single. Time.
I’m finding sleeping alone is actually awesome. I get to spread out on the single mattress without kicking someone, and hog all the blankets and no one complains.
If the morning smoothy is lumpy, or I happen to burn supper cuz I was distracted, there’s no other stomach beside me yelling it’s hungry… I just redo it, or walk to the closest dairy queen to settle my own. I can pee with the door open, and don’t have to shave my legs for weeks! Yup, single life is awesome.
I decided what I want to be when I grow up. I’m going to be a free spirit. A wild horse running through the trees, and no one will be able to tame me. That way, life will always be awesome, and if I get too bored, I can just run away. I spend most of my time alone anyway. I find the characters in my head are a lot nicer then most of the ones I meet on the street. The ones in my head might say stupid things, but if I don’t believe them, or they’re being ignorant, I can just put them in the corner and not talk to them for a while and they don’t get offended. Ok, they do, but there’s a silent button I can turn on, like muting the TV, I can stay entertained without all the noise.
Although, through all the great days, I have some days when the loneliness hits me like a freight train, and I can’t seem to uncurl myself from my bed. That all this cleaning is somewhat soul draining and I find myself sighing for the “one day” wishes. But I’m getting there. This mound of debt is slowly being chipped away, my heart is stronger, and my mind… well, my mind is still crazy, not sure anything is going to change that.
I guess the point of all this is to tell you… and remind myself, keep going. Keep plugging away reaching for the goal, and if you’re not yet living your dream, keep focusing on the goal. If you persevere, I promise you’ll get there. If you’re already living your dream, well, good for you. “One day”, I’ll definitely be living mine. One step at a time. Even if it takes a while, I’m not about to give up.
Happy Thanksgiving ya’ll!!