I have been single now, for two and a half years.
Dying alone, is amongst many – of my fears.
So in true society linger, I download the popular app called tinder, and I’m chatting with this guy. Suddenly I thought, I don’t ever want to meet him, this was only a whim, (I think his name was Tim?) – It was Dave actually, but Tim just rhymed. The name of the ex, ya, that took away the flex, perplexed, I sit here mystified. I sit here with my brain all fried. There’s no way I want to be tied – to this one. A name is a name, individualized, it’s never the name to blame, but how do you date a guy with a name of the flame that never brought you – sex?
I deleted my account, rudely, fast, without saying goodbye, I knew it wouldn’t last.
Sometimes, I miss love.
So much sometimes that I create stories in my head. I literally bumped into him while I was running, and he was absolutely stunning. He ran a hand through is hair, showed his teeth with a smile. Instantly, I feel like I just ran 20 miles. It’s that instant connection, the one I’ve been talking about. We went for coffee just down the block, because he didn’t want to wait to call. Oh yes, it only took me five minutes to fall.
Or when I’m out for a coffee, taking myself on a date, I imagine my life with the gorgeous guy down by the gate. Holy attractive nation his deep voice booming with admiration…oh shit, here he comes, will he notice my exaggeration? Will he feel the vibes as I stare him down looking for the words. Crap, sorry dude, not looking at you, I’m admiring the birds. It’s a tell all for the story, but your part is imaginary.
Its so bad sometimes, I get disappointed when my “one” doesn’t appear. I go out expecting, and whole heartedly accepting, but alas when no one draws near, my mind goes into perfecting. Stop looking lost, you are the boss, if no one comes forth, it’s truly their loss. Get rid of that moss, its definitely not helping, oh right, they can’t see that, well, that idea just toss. Now jog down this street, that guy there looks cute, just be careful, and don’t miss a beat. Before I even get to him, I know his shoe size, and feel giddy because he is the prize. Oh look, he’s got a girl on him, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.
It’s getting ridiculous, can’t even walk because of this, veering off here and there and all I can do is stare. I’m wondering so aimlessly, and daydreaming so shamelessly. I feel like a tiger on the prowl, east of eden, coming for you now.
So single I’ll remain, until I’m finally detained.
I’ll keep my mind busy, and explore this new city. I’ll fill each line, and make them rhyme, just to pass the time. I’ll drink Taquila, and add the limes, and let go -of any expectation.
Sometimes single sucks, but sometimes, it’s amazing.