Every morning when I open my eyes, and for every minute I get to spend on the beach next to the ocean, I feel like time is such a blessing.

There’s a void in the sky tonight, as I sit and watch the night, the clouds loom over the ocean, casting darkness. Yet right above me, there are stars. Stars, dotting the dark sky with their luminescent light.

My mind feels numb as I desperately try to come down from my 12 hour work hour day. Six hours of supervising/housekeeping, five hours of folding towels, and one short hour of drinking coffee, smoking and eating. Time.

Silently, I calculate the hours worked, and the money saved. Time.

It’s been eighteen months since I ran away from my abusive ex. Fourteen months, since I’ve physically seen him. It’s been ten months, since I’ve been back from Hawaii, and eight months, since I first arrived in Tofino. Time. Fucking time.

Today is a day among many, where the internal war continues on. Fighting the last of the demons from the past, heavy emotions, and cold hard facts. Like a ghost, some of it still lingers. Time, it’s simply time my friend, I’ve heard it plenty, time will heal everything that ails you. Some days, tho, it’s just so hard to believe, the depth of these emotions still seem so unreachable. Outwardly, my body language is open, confident, happy. Inside, I’m still a little dying. I want to cry, but laugh in the same breath. I want to sleep, surf, and run all at once. You see, sometimes friend, time can be a curse.

But, onwards I face, not looking back, I take yet another step. A step to healing, forgiving, and self love. So keep throwing your punches, your misguided words, your disdain and mistrust. Confidently, I’ll keep standing.

A challenge I’ve accepted, and I encourage you to do the same… let’s take some time to be better people. Let’s smile more, and notice the bird song more. Let’s be more understanding, and definitely more forgiving. Let’s be soft, and humble, and open. We’ve all got burdens weighing us down and battles raging in our heads, so let’s give time, beautiful time to the people around us.

As I write this, I moved myself from the sandy beach floor to a chair in front of one of the gas fire pits in front of the resort…it’s 11:00 pm on the dot. Suddenly, a hear the sound of a switch, then, the fire snuffs out. The heat is replaced with a cool breeze, and darkness surrounds me. The ocean in the distance is louder, and the night is darker somehow. Fires, on a timer! It’s all about time… lol… perfect.

So here it is. Some days time goes fast, and others, well, time drags on like the day will never end. But the clock ticks consistently, day after day. I have vowed I will no longer spend my time pouting, being angry, hurt, or jealous. With that, I have one more thing to say.

Dave, once my friend, once my enemy, once my everything. I forgive you. I forgive you for all the shitty things you did to me. This is good-bye. Go run around the world. I’ll stay here and fight the last of the demons you left behind. By myself. Because then, I’ll be free.

And the time, the time, will be all mine.


My quirkiness

What the fuck do I do with all this energy? I definitely go through my phases, but this one feels instense. So intense I put it on social media…

“I was definitely in a mood today. Surprisingly patient, but slamming things around, throwing pens, and being extremely loud. (Sorry for the peeps it may have effected!). I guess I’m just going to be honest for a second, do you think going for a good run will ease this sexual frustration I’m feeling right now? Ya, I didn’t think so either, but I thought I’d try.. take it out on the runners instead of the people. Universe, you’re up, seriously! How long does a girl have to wait?

Agh. I want to take it down. Brutally honest. Exactly what I’ve been feeling lately. Lonely. Fucking lonely. I hate it.

Darrin commented, ” take you’re pick, they’re lined up waiting?”. Ya Darrin, for one nighters and pass arounds, maybe. But no line from where I’m standing. Parking lot’s empty. Maybe the lights are too bright. Too bad. They’ve got to attract at least one bug. A rouge insect that went off the path to explore. One day, maybe. At least a kind gentleman who would be a great best friend to explore the world a bit with.

Guess I’ll keep waiting, but fuck. Fuck me. (Someone, please? Haha)

Maybe I should take it down – but really, don’t most of us go through something like this? How can I “show” that this is “normal”? I could pretty easily remedy the initial situation, but I guess I’m choosing to wait. (Drive past the fast food and wait for the top sirloin homemade burger to cook … etc)

Agh, I need to get rid of it. Think of all the guys here that might take it wrong. Do I care? They gotta already know that I require so much more work then any of them are willing to put in. I guess it’s a gateway to a real conversation. I’m just sharing my emotions.

See the battle I face? Yikes.

Ok, here’s my actual reply, “ah yes, possibly. But ROMANCE seems dead these days, my friend.”

… where’s the guy who will go the extra mile, just to see me smile? Where’s the guy who’s solid all around? Someone who will embrace and love me because and despite all my quirkiness? Asking a lot, maybe. Guess I’ll wait.

For now, I’ll just identify the feeling, so I don’t do anything stupid (again). And meanwhile, turn the frustration into miles and keep smacking my runners onto the pavement.



A pen in my hand, is a magic stick. It transforms my inner soul into words and lines so others may understand. It creates rhythms and melodies with ink on paper. It organizes my thoughts in categories, and expresses the pent up emotions I’ve held in for so long. The magic stick helps to create those aha! moments throughout life with bouts of inspiration.

I seem to have trouble expressing my thoughts out loud, I still fear the noise of my voice, it has me wanting to run away and hide. With life experience, trust is hard, and I fear the critical words will damage my already bruised soul. So I sit in solitary silence, and sing my song with ink.

With a magic stick in my hand it doesn’t matter if the world around me is falling apart, if I’m completely alone and feeling lonely, or happy and in love. It doesn’t matter if I get hysterical, or feeling utter joy, it’s just there. Every second, waiting. Waiting to be held, to spread the ink all over the paper to transform a thought into understanding.

So what do I write about?

Thoughts, mostly. Piling together words to create a memoir, a blog, a piece of art with paragraphs to help guide and protect those who are being used and abused. To help those who need a guide, an encouraging word, or happy song to get them back up on their feet and dancing once again. To find their own strength, just like I did.

So I won’t stop this time just because you might not like it. My soul is crying out, and someone, somewhere in this world will get it. They’ll understand my mind, and respect my heart and my body.

It doesn’t matter if it’s good. Maybe it’s horrible and makes you cringe. Maybe it’s intense and hard to read, but honestly, at this point of my life, I simply don’t care. It brings magic, in a life filled with pain and tears. It balances the good with the bad, and helps me remember to keep going, to get up and walk out my front door every single morning.


What if this fear, wasn’t even a ‘thing’?

Remember in February, when I tried to challenge myself to 20 posts for the month? Highly ambitious, I know, maybe that’s why I failed so epically. The point was to try and share my thoughts more. Heaven knows, I’ve got enough in my head to do so, heck, my notebook alone has enough to simply type it into the computer and post it, but for some reason, fear still holds me back. So today, in efforts to address the fear out loud, I’d thought I’d share it with you.

Do I even have people who read this? And if someone I work with happens to read it, do I sound insane? Will they look at me different if they know my life story? It hasn’t always been an easy road, and I’m working very hard every day to address the fears and hesitations… but maybe I should do it silently? And why the heck did I call myself Freelance Deej? What does that even mean? Maybe people thinks that’s dumb. (See? I could write about that, and give you the background story!). And, gulp, what if my mom reads it?? (Hi mom!). But the biggest thought that still runs through my head… if my ex reads this, what will he do? Even having been away from him for over a year, he still manages to instil a bit of fear. So many thoughts go through my head, until I have a brave moment and write with the intention of posting, making sure every word is right. Reading and rereading the post to ensure it says exactly what I intend to say. After I post it, I stress for hours, bringing up my blog and reread the posts again, over and over. I read it as if my boss is reading it, I read it like my coworkers are reading it, and try and envision what they would take from it. I lay in my bed and read it, like someone might before falling asleep, I go to the beach and read it, like someone casually strolling through my head at any given chance. I’m pretty sure I have all the posts memorized.

Here’s the thing. I never erase any posts. Even if I stress and worry that it’ll be taken weird, or someone won’t like the thought, I stick by it, eventually coming to the satisfaction that this, is me. These, are my thoughts, and it’s a choice for people to read it. I struggle through days like everybody, and I really want to help encourage people, help guide people, and let at least one person out there struggling know that they are not alone.

When I was deep in my abusive relationship with my ex, reading blogs and forums about verbal abuse helped me more then anything anyone could have said, because I didn’t feel so alone. There were women out there going through the same thing, and through their words, even though I didn’t know them, it was a relief to read the thoughts that went through their head.

So what would I do if this fear wasn’t a thing? I’d probably post at least a simple thought a couple of times a week. I’d share my days, the highlights and struggles. I’d carry on a solo conversation with the invisible reader (aka, you), and pass virtual hugs along in every post.

I’m learning, slowly it seems, that it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, and I will never be able to please everyone (even if I want to!). So I’m setting the fear aside, putting it on the shelf to collect dust, because when I write, the world doesn’t exist. When I have a pen in my hand, my troubles seem so few, and the pain that remains lessens just a little bit more. I love words, I love putting them together to create a sentence, until a whole thought emerges. Sometimes I surprise myself, like that can’t really be my writing…. I can’t ever say a smart sentence out loud, how does it come through my fingers?

If you do happen to read this until here, I want to blow you a kiss 😘 and thank you for diligently keeping up with my unorganized thoughts. And maybe for you readers who are following, this is a warning? Ha, or maybe simply an affirmation. I don’t want to stop, because this makes my soul happy. I want to increase the posts until a theme emerges. Until I find the focus that I want and start writing about that. Maybe it’ll just be chatter, or maybe I’ll post about the adventures I have, or maybe I’ll do it all. Let the thoughts stay unorganized. (wouldn’t that be fun!) whatever ends up happening, thank you. It’s really because of you I am still eager to keep going, even through the fear.

Anyway, whatever happens, I’ll try and stay in the thought I had yesterday, “I don’t know, but I’m going with it”.


I don’t know, but I’m going with it

I think I’m having a hard time identifying with myself.

This year has been about “redefining, starting over”, blah blah and all that, so I’ve been diligently figuring out, and doing, the things that make my soul happy. Taking the time to ensure my food is well balanced, and eating everything that makes me jump for joy. Turns out, it’s morning kale smoothies, lunch time salads with a rainbow effect, and a big ass juicy bacon cheeseburger with fries and gravy for supper. And please don’t forget to top the ice cream up with chocolate brownies and hot fudge sauce. I’m really getting good at going with the flow, and gulp, actually hanging out with people. Large groups of people… ya, that was a big one to face. I’m recovering from a running injury, (which in my books is kind of amazing, because I pushed my body passed the limit), and can’t wait to get up and go find that line again to see if I can go past it. I pick up the magic stick, aka, a pen, multiple times a day and let my mind wonder into the abyss, documenting words and lines from a series of dimensions. I’d have to say with confidence, that ya, I’m kinda killin it over here.

But even with the increase of self love and meditation, I still find myself having moments of pure terror. A glass lampshade shatters at my feet and it takes my breath as I wait in horror for the backlash. In that moment so sure that there would be yelling, I can’t stop the tears from flowing. It takes a few minutes to truly realize that that’s not reality, but just a lousy memory. I catch myself in deep worry at times, wondering if I said something wrong. Even feel sometimes like it’s really the end of the world, my face going red, feeling nothing but guilt and shame for something I did. I question my choices, and so often hide with embarrassment. . I have a moment of confidence, and post my excitement on social media, then hate myself for hours after, wondering how the subtext looks.

But then, someone said I was gorgeous, and another person said she was stoked to have me around, then I heard someone else say that I am awesome.

Truly identifying who I am as been an Everest climb (I’ve heard that’s a tough one…), and there is such a long way to go. But you know what? I feel amazing, I feel awesome. So that small voice in the back of my head from my ex that called me piece of shit for years, can shove it.

Now, I think every time I catch myself in some sort of hate cycle, or when that tiny voice starts firing stupid things at me, I’m just going to shrug my shoulders and reply,

“I don’t know, but I’m going with it.”


Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda…

Thinking of the past seven years or so, there are a ton of coulda, woulda, shoulda thoughts. It seems I can’t stop throwing up words, and stories of my past. Dealing with CRA, healing from the abuse, and grieving all the losses. But….


Or maybe it does….

I am STRONGER, because of what I’ve been through.

I have LEARNT, from the mistakes I’ve made.

I have RECOGNIZED, the signs of a narcissist.

I am UNDERSTANDING, the strength of my empathy.

So me – not defined by my past, but defined by my past.



If you follow me in social media, today my post read this:

“If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, crawl…progress looks different everyday. This week, I can’t even crawl, in fact, I think I’ll just lay here, cuz the tears won’t stop. That’s my progress this week. My 3 mile run turned into a pathetic 1/2 mile jog, and a miserable walk the rest of the way. But at least I went, I guess.”

We’ve all seen the meme…

And the quotes….

Want to know the reality of it? Check it out.

Curled up in bed for three days crying. Manage to run on day four, then actually eating a full meal and back to normal running by day 7. Phew, that was a week. Good, got through that one. What’s next? I picked up a pen every chance I got, so good, keeping up with the magic things. Slowly figuring out this whole adult thing, paid rent on time, I think I can manage to take care of myself. Wow, I am rocking this! I’m like, the best person ever, how did I not know this? I ate healthy, I ran fast miles. Oh cool, its the end of the month. Awesome, feeling great. And oh, oops, *trips on an invisible rock* right back to three days curled up crying.

Yeah, progress.

So here it is. Some days are good and some days are bad. Everybody feels a range of emotion, it’s normal. Being previously exposed to trauma can make the bad days worse (no matter who you are, or what the trauma). The thing is, today I realized, the good days far outweigh the bad days. I also know, that exercise does help. Even if it’s a pouty walk in your running clothes with your face scowling and your arms crossed. Trust me with this one.

So if you find yourself in an upside down stall, somewhere unknown in the map of progress, like I previously found myself in, just remember to breathe. Close your eyes, cry, scream if you have to, but just breathe.

Want to know a secret? I often write Just Breathe on my arm (yes, actually, future tattoo… how’d you guess?), so I remember, no matter the moment, to just, breathe.

Progress looks different everyday. Curled up crying is still progress. Means we’re working through our own little shit piles we create. It’s ok. Take the day, have a good cry, watch a sappy movie that makes your feel even more sorry for yourself, cry more if you want to. But then get up. Accept it, challenge it, and continue with the progress.


The only thing standing in my way… is me.

So here’s my question. What do you do when no one is looking? Who are you when no one is there judging?

Fear is instilled by other people. It comes from the thoughts of how they perceive you. So we adjust, we cut and trim, moulding ourselves to fit into their circle. Setting aside our needs with a sigh, looking longingly at the dream bubble above our heads.

I failed epically in my “20 post in February” challenge. I have lots on my mind. My notebook is now full and my pen is almost out of ink again, but yet, my fingers won’t type the words. It’s who I am when no one is looking. But fear… what if really have nothing to say?

We shouldn’t be afraid to show the world who we are.

But if you don’t know me, then you can’t judge me, so I’ll just keep my silence.

Then at 3am, when I’m sleepy and vulnerable, I ask myself, what do I want the world to see?

As I fall back to sleep with a sigh, I think, “I just want to be me.”

I have taken time this past year to reconnect with myself. To put the pieces back together, and figure out who I am. A lot of the past six years had been filled with fear, with doubt, and anger. I’m exhausted, I don’t want to hide anymore. I don’t want to be me only between the hours of 6pm to 6am, 7 days a week. I’m tired of hiding behind the fear of what you might think of me.

So here’s a little of what I’ve learnt.

I love making people smile. To let them know that they are loved. That they are all important. It’s the small things that most people in the chaos have forgotten about. Randomly handing out flowers to a group of guys, a hug for no reason, or a small smile and a touch on the arm. Doing things that say, ” I was thinking about you today” and “you are important in my life”. Leave a note for the people around you, even if it’s unsigned. Think about the moment when they get home, after the hours of battling their day, and they read, “Hope you had a fantastic day! There’s a bottle of wine in the fridge with your name on it! Enjoy your evening!”. I love leaving notes everywhere, for everybody, and for years I was scared to do it, so I stopped. But I truly think the world has enough anger and mistrust, I’m ready to spread a little happiness. So I’m leaving little things for you. Maybe in five years, you’ll find a little note with a heart in a book, or tomorrow you’ll find a little stick figure with a speech bubble that says, “thank you!”, but knowing that it made you smile, even if just for the ridiculousness of it, it makes my heart soar.

So fuck fear. I’m just going to be me.

“If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try.” Seth Gadin


20 posts by when?!?!

Um, so guys, this is kind of difficult. I know I’m all about exposing your soul, be honest and truthful and all that. But when it comes to the fine details, I have to admit I’m a little scared of showing you my scars. Sometimes it’s hard to keep writing.

But I don’t stop writing, I’m filling books, and data. Oh, right, that’s why I said 20 posts.. gulp.

At Christmas time, my cousin told me she loves reading my blog. “Bathtub reading”, she calls it. Drinking some wine in a bubble bath, she pulls up my blog. Shit, I have at least one reader! Sherry, if you’re reading this, you’re awesome, and your family is beautiful. So happy we had a chance to catch up!

I just have to say, I know I’ve posted some random stuff, and recently I posted I was turning this into a travel site, and I am, but I guess this experiment, or challenge, is finding a direction. “Who am I ?” And all that. And see if you even like…me.

So I’m going to tell you a daily magic moment.

Every night around 7 ish, I grab my flashlight and I walk the very short walk to the beach. I find a spot on the rocks, light up a – smoke – and listen to the ocean. Everything is worth it, for this moment. No matter what my day was like, this, is the moment that I did it all for. It’s so nice out here tonight. The stars are twinkling bright in the dark sky, and it seems the birds and the trees are asleep. I can hear laughter from a group of people up the beach, and the ocean is singing its melody.

Almost every time, I am walking home with my cell phone in hands, feverishly typing away these musings so I remember them in the moment. (Nothing beats in the moment writing!). I sometimes wonder how I look, stopping every couple of feet and standing in the dark in the middle of the road for twenty minutes, nothing but my face illuminated from the cell phone light. “Oh hi, yeah, sorry I scared you, I just have to write, right now, this very second. And yes, my fingers are very cold.”

It’s been a very awesome, very exhausting day. Thank you for letting me share with you a moment, hope you enjoyed the chatter!

I wrote this a few times this week, so I will leave you with this;

“May all your vibes say, I got this!”

Post 2 of 20 post challenge



“Nothing I do is automatic. Everything I do is consciencely thought out. I wake up grateful, and happy. Each night I go to bed, everything is analyzed. Where did I fail? How can I be better tomorrow?” ~Deej

These days, emotions are high. Maybe it’s the moon, tugging at my heartstrings.

It’s so beautiful here. The vibe is content and peaceful. I hear the ocean sing a melody everyday. The guests are happy, and adventurous. But it’s hard to be patient. Patient for the “medication” to work, to let the healing finish. I discovered yesterday, the great deal of pain I am still in. The emotions are overwhelming, and at times overflowing into the people in my present circle. I miss Hawaii, I miss the solitude, I miss the people. So much it’s adding to the discomfort. In my core, I know I’m supposed to be here, that I’m in the right place, that the blank year in front of me will be shaped with love and kindness. But in moments of solitude I wonder, how can I shape it for me?

I have been working very hard at healing myself. The intensity of the past five years have taken its toll. My back hurts, my muscles are tight, and my heart still aches a little. This past year, and continuing, I am spending a lot of time with me. Staying in bed when I’m tired, and eating when I’m hungry. (And of course, eating chocolate and drinking coffee!) No guilt for the decisions I make, and staying true to how I feel and being honest.

So here’s to transformation. Here’s to being real. Cheers! 🎉



Woo! It’s the beginning of 2018. A brand new year, a brand new section in life. It’s like waking up one morning, the sun is shining through the window, the air is warm, and coffee is brewing. I took some time for reflection today, and wow. What a year. I am very happy to say goodbye to 2017, and hello 2018!! I am excited! Today, is the fist day of a brand new life. I’m starting over. Hopefully I actually learnt some stuff. So far, here’s what I’ve come up with….. 

          ❤️ I love being alone, and doing “nothing”. “Nothing” is a generic word that most understand. For those of you too lost in the busyness, nothing, includes a wide range of … well, nothing. Some call it down time, me time, or going to bed. It means I’m shutting out the world for a little bit. When I say I’m doing nothing, it could include just that. Laying in bed sleeping, or daydreaming… usually about Hawaii, or a cute boy that I met. Sometimes I spent hours writing, or drawing. Sometimes reading a book, or getting lost in the drama of Greys Anatomy. I truly don’t understand how people get bored. Smoke some weed, you’ll never be bored again. 
          ❤️ I absolutely love the delays in the airports. It’s an extra hour or two I get to just wander. To take it all in. To absorb everything, and fantasize a little about the fellow travellers. I wonder where they’re going, and if this is their first time in an airport. I am travelling in a couple of days. I am heading to BC from Saskatchewan. I had the option of taking a three hour plane with access to wifi, and a good movie selection, with free headphones! Or, an eighteen hour bus ride over night. Wifi doesn’t always work, and definitely no high tech screen to stare at all night. Guess what I chose. Of course the bus. No question. I get to see the country side… or we the ditch anyway. Someone else has the high responsibility of driving, I can just sit back, and do some day er, nightdreaming. Awesome. Sounds amazing. I have met some pretty interesting people on buses. There is lots of boredom on buses, so people are chatty on buses. One lady told me once that she escaped from the American prison. She had been framed by Trump. Another lady talked about the town she was from in Ontario, and I learnt a little about her life. 
          ❤️ I’m pretty awesome. This year has taught me so many lessons. But I think the difference now is, I’m actually listening. I have discovered that I have some great qualities. That I am kind, respectful, and have this mean streak work ethic. I am usually humble, and understand most people’s point of view, so I can rarely judge or get mad. Using this blog, and listening to your stories, observing different lives, and truly experiencing the energies around me, has guided me through life more smoothly then I could have ever imagined. I finally know who I want to be. I can finally see just who I am. So hopefully without too much cockiness showing, I can repeat, I am pretty awesome. 
          ❤️ Sometimes my seemingly confidence and smile is really just covering the giant fear pimple I think everyone can see. 99% of the time I am terrified. But as they say, those things that are the most terrifying are the things most worth it. So I push through it. Every single second I have to. Because I now know what I want. I want my soul to be happy. I don’t want to spend another minute feeling miserable. I spent five years with someone who made me feel like I was a piece of shit. I questioned everything, and beat myself up for every mistake I made. Instead of learning from something, I cried myself to sleep every night, wondering why I was such a fuck up. It’s a scary thing to work through. 
          ❤️ The world is a cruel, beautiful place. Days are hard. Loved ones die, people steal and cheat. We get beat to the ground everyday, and not all of us can get back up. We criticize and laugh, but those of us that are standing, are simply sighing in relief. But I think I finally found that inner happiness that I’ve read so much about. It’s not about the mistakes or about the battle. It’s about the experience. It’s about opening our hearts, our souls, to follow our inner self. To maybe just sit in silence once in a while, and listen to your own heartbeat. Instead of just giving it to someone and let them tell you how it should beat. If we had more inner peace, we wouldn’t have to laugh at anyone else. 
I can boldly say, I am sooo happy to see the end of this year. All I want to do, is sleep for the next couple of days. Reflecting, dreaming of great the next great adventures, and awesome people to come. Replaying the mind blowing moments I’ve had this year. 

How can I recap this last year? Mm… nothing short of a roller coaster, living 90% of it just outside my comfort zone. It’s the best place to be. 
Thank you all for always joining me on my journey! 
2018 is going to rock. 


I have been slacking. I sort of apologize. 

My motivation has been stuck between mounds of snow. I can’t stop shivering while I try and dig it out. 


Life in Hawaii was warmer. 

But, the other day, I met this fabulous woman. She is this giant ray of sunshine in this cold northern city. Warm hearted, gentle, and loving. I have to say, I sorta fell in love instantly. 

No, it’s not that. Don’t get your mind into a bunch, I feel she will be a lifelong friend and possible business partner. 

You see, her dreams match mine, her words echo loudly, and my modivation has been slowly thawing. 

Prince Albert is cold. I try to keep up with running, with exploring, but really, all I want to do is hibernate. Or hop on a plane back to tropical Hawaii. Unfortunately, my bank account won’t allow me to do that. 

I tired to go hiking, and I’ve tried to go snowshoeing. Wonderful winter activities. But as I started putting the multiple layers of clothing required, I gave up. Pussy, I know. 

So I have nothing for you, accept to say that I am a slacker. 

So, you get pictures of snow…..

A cold cold winter’s walk.

And cakes…. cuz it’s warm when you bake. 

Home for dad’s birthday! Spoiling him with delicious sugar.

Hmmm black Forrest cake

Welcome to the hash reality of A cold Saskatchewan winter. 

I promise to have more travel photos soon. Or, just more pictures of snow. Because I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned, it’s cold here.